Naming the movement

From the Patanjali Yoga Sutras, Sutra 1.02

yogaś citta-vṛtti-nirodhaḥ

Yoga is when the turning settles enough for me to see again.

In this sutra, Patanjali does not describe a posture or promise calm. I read it as a change in vantage point. Sutra 1.4 describes the default, the thing that happens when I am not paying attention: I take on the shape of whatever is moving in me. Not that I feel the anger. I become the anger, and it walks around wearing my name.

I noticed this on Tuesday. A team member pushed on a timeline, and within a second I was already defending, already building the case. There was no one there deciding to defend. The defending was the whole of me. I only found the door twenty minutes later, and by then I had already said things I would have edited.

So this week, one thing. Before responding to anything that arrives with heat, name it. "This is urgency." "This is being flattered." "This is not wanting to look slow." Out loud if I am alone, on paper if I am not.

Whatever I can name, I am not currently made of.